I wrote in an earlier blog post here about being more Assertive, and in that I described a model called Betaris Box that I would write about a little later. So, I’ve a few spare moments in a busy schedule so here goes.
I know it’s obviously a very famous model, but I stumbled across it after researching for an Assertiveness Skills Course and I instantly connected with it. It’s such a simple thing, but I would really say it’s has such a profound affect on me personally, and because of this I’ve shared it in every behavioural course I’ve done since.
Betari’s Box works on the understanding that we all have the ability to choose an attitude. Imagine waking up first thing on a morning, we very quickly fall into the routine we normally carry out. Unconsciously we probably begin making decisions about how our day will go based on our experience of the previous day, in other words we unconsciously choose an attitude.
The Betaris Box model describes that actually we have the ability to choose this attitude consciously. If we actually give it thought we can begin to choose what kind of attitude we want to demonstrate.
When I explain this to people the always say ‘Yeah but, that’s fine but what about when you walk out the door and it’s raining or someone cuts me up at a roundabout, that ruins my day’. It does, but…..
If we have the ability to choose an attitude, then we have the ability to choose how we respond to these situations.n If we don’t we make an unconscious choice and then this affects how we feel for the rest of the day.
The Betaris Box model is simple:
My Attitude -> Affects -> My Behaviour -> Affects -> Your Attitude -> Affects -> Your Behaviour -> Affects -> My Attitude and so on.
In other words the attitude you take will affect the behaviour you demonstrate. When others see that behaviour, they then choose their attitude towards you (and probably how they will feel for the rest of the day after that) and how they will then in turn reposnd through their behaviour.
If we take time to choose the attitude we want to demonstrate, we can control the behaviour we display.
However, the model is a cycle. We could be making a really good choice to have a great attitude, but at the same day someone else might be choosing to have a bad day. If you meet them, they could influence your attitude and behaviour very quickly and you begin to copy their behaviour.
If we again make a conscience decision to choose how we react to them, we begin to take control of how we feel about everything. I use a quote ‘You choose to behave like that…..I choose to behave like this’. In other words, its a conscience decision in how to react. Very much like an Assertive approach, engaging your brain.
Now, it’s not just other people that can influence your attitude. Any situation could cause this. I’ve had a few recently like being caught with no car insurance (a complete mis-understanding and a very, very long story) and recently finding out that I have a small health problem which means I have to completely change my diet.
We would normally go off the wall at these things. Our behaviour will be influenced by our attitude we take towards these, and actually can completely change how we live our lives and the relationships we have. Remember, the behaviour we demonstrate will change other peoples attitudes toward you.
If you follow the model, it’s similar to dealing with people. I tend to think now ‘It’s happened, I can’t change it, what am I going to do to get on with things’. So for example, in the case of my car insurance I remembered Betaris Box and then begin to think ‘What alternative methods are there to get to clients if I lose my license?’, ‘What can I cut back on to pay any fine I might get?.
In other words, it’s about being more proactive and looking forward instead of looking back and thinking why?
I guess some life events would take longer to break that cycle, but more most of the day to day things I’m sure we can confidently tackle them and actually begin to have an influence the way we live our lives.
A great film to watch about this is called FISH! Quite expensive, but great if you can get to see it.
So, choose your attitude NOW!!!!!!
Want to know more? We run a number of open/public workshops that include Betaris Box and lots of methods in which to use it effectively. We can also run these for groups in any organisation. See here for our open courses.